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JEALOUSY in Acroyoga! (This one's a tricky topic, but something we have to talk about...)

One of my acro friends recently shared a story with me about how she has experienced jealousy in acroyoga, and whilst it's not super common I've also witnessed it occurring.


So let's dive right in and see if I can help unpick why this happens and what to do about it.


In my experiences of jealousy in acro, it is usually linked to feelings of inadequacy or fear.


I speak from my own personal feelings here.


Now, I'm not a particularly jealous person by nature, but I have on occasion noticed feelings of jealousy cropping up in me relating to acro.


The times it has occurred with me is when a regular training partner has managed to perform a skill with someone else where we weren't able to.


I'm pretty good at rationalising and thinking through my emotions and feelings, so it doesn't take me long to recognise the feeling and then change it to instead be happy for their success.


But before we talk about how to deal with it, lets first go a bit deeper on why this occurs in the first place.


As I mentioned, I think this comes from feelings of self doubt, insecurity, or inadequacy in ones own abilities/value.


Plus fears associated with these, like fears that your training partner might enjoy playing with someone else more, or fears that you aren't as capable as someone else and so on.


This links to the fear of losing something that you value, which is a powerful emotion that can easily trigger jealousy if we feel threatened or at risk of losing that thing you value (in this case your regular acro partner).


Of course in one moment or one instant we aren't going to suddenly lose a training partner, but our brains are typically very good at jumping to conclusions and extrapolating feelings and fears into bigger problems than they maybe are.


Another factor might be unrealistic expectations.

If we have such high expectations of ourselves or of our partnerships always training together all the time, then when moments occur when your partner trains with someone else those expectations have been let down.


Let's be clear though...


Jealousy is obviously a human emotion and some of us have it more than others, and we can't exactly choose and control when we feel it and when not.


Sometimes that emotion is justified and often the trigger of it could be a genuine reason.


However, often the significance of the feelings of jealousy does not match the trigger and the situation, especially in acro.


What I mean by this is that rarely do I see regular training partners in acrosuddenly stop training together and switch because one of them played with someone else and enjoyed it more.


As I've mentioned in previous emails I think variety in training partners and people you practice with is important to make you a well rounded acroyogi.


The key thing as is often the case in acro is...


Communication.


If you simply communicate your feelings, your fears, your concerns and worries with your training partner, and also your expectations.


Then healthy and clear conversation can happen to help you both understand each others perspective.


I'm not saying this is the only solution and any jealousy problems will simply disappear, in fact probably not.


As with what I mentioned about jealousy being based in fear and self value and insecurity, I think ultimately it will require the person feeling jealous to build up their own self image to stop being triggered in the first place.


Take my example, nowadays I rarely ever feel jealous in acro.


Obviously I am more skilled than I used to be, but it's more that I don't feel inadequate compared to more skilled bases.


I don't have fear around losing a training partner, because I know the value I bring, the connection I have, and that also I am not reliant on one training partnership to be an acroyogi.


I recognise that other bases may be more knowledgeable, more skilled, strong or better than me in different areas, but I am in some areas too.


In fact I see it as a positive thing if my training partners train with others, as they can learn to work with different bases, and challenge me with a different perspective.


Or even if it doesn't benefit me, I am just happy that they get to train and practice with other people if it's fulfilling for them.


Obviously shifting this mindset is not quick and easy.


So if you recognise yourself in anything I have written here, then good news, this is the first step.


I think with every emotion, recognition is the first most important step.


Taking a moment to recognise that you are experiencing and feeling jealous at all is important.


Without this knowledge you can't consciously act and decide how to best deal with your feelings. Rather your feelings decide for you.


So next time you feel jealous in acro, just take a moment to acknowledge the feeling, and consider what you want to do about it.


I recommend communicating what you feel to your partner when you are calm and non-emotional would be a great next step.


That's all for today folks, other than I also want to give a BIG THANKS to the regular acro training partners I have had the pleasure to haveworked with and continue to work with.


So THANK YOU, let's keep growing, playing and training together!!!

You know who you are. :)


Cheers,

Cas


Acroyoga community



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